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Delgo Noir 2: Electric Boogaloo
Our meeting didn't go as planned. Outside the ornate gates in the dark alley, we stood facing each other. It began to rain. Kyla and I quickly ran to the car for shelter from the cold rain. "Well we have to get in there somehow. Shall we wait until tomorrow?" I say to her as I start the car and drive off. On the way back to her house she asks me, "Delgo, I'm sorry what I did to all those years ago. Filo was such a nice guy and you were being too desperate. Can we try start over?" I nod in response. I wake up the next day to banging on my door. I open it and Kyla is standing there covered in ash and soot, she smells of smoke. "Delgo, oh Delgo! I can't believe someone would do such a thing!" she says. "What happened?" I ask. I get her some tea as we sit down. I can see her trembling with fear as she holds the tea. She goes on to tell me that she woke up this morning to a fire in her house. She's unsure who did it and wants me to solve the case. We drive to what used to be her house and park the car under the big oak tree. I step out and am astonished to see her whole house burnt to the ground. There a dozens of police officers and fire fighter putting out spot fires. Bogardus comes up to me and embraces Kyla telling her "We'll find whoever did this. I promise." I start looking around the crime scene at all her burnt belongings. I see a lighter and go to pick it up when I'm stopped by Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush. "You must be Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush. I've heard a lot about you" I say to Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush. Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush nods his head in a definitely-not-evil way. "Please do not disturb the crime scene Detective Delgo, we can't afford to lose evidence." Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush walks off in a totally-not-evil way. Kyla comes up to me, her hips swaying to the beat of Old Town Road by Lil Nas X. "Hey big boy Delgo, was that Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush?" she says to me. I nod in response. She embraces me and starts to cry, "Oh Delgo, who would do this to my poor house. He wouldn't hurt a fly." She runs away to Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush and asks him questions that I can't hear. I arrive back at my apartment and take a big swig of whiskey straight from the bottle when all of a sudden I get a phone call. I answer the phone and its Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush. Before I can say anything he says, "Come to the fire department quick. We found something" and immediately hangs up. When I arrive to the fire department Bogardus invites me inside and tells me that they found human fingerprints on a lamp that was in the fire. I'm an expert at fingerprint identification so I look at the fingerprints and immediately point to Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush. Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush shoots at us as he starts to run away. We pursue Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush with great haste. We run through alleyways and into busy streets when Bogardus finally lands a shot at Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush's leg. Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush immediately collapses. "I did it, I burnt down Kyla's house. But you'll never know why. NEVER!" Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush commits seppuku in the street and dies. "Dammit he died, now we'll never know why Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush burnt down Kyla's house" Bogardus says. I arrive back at my house after a long case. Kyla is there to greet me and we have the intercourse. After we finish, Kyla has a shower. Bogardus calls me and says that I might be in danger of a drone strike. I hang up because he's obviously possessed by an evil spirit just like Former President of the United States of America George W. Bush was when he burnt down Kyla's house. Kyla gets out the shower and we go out for Mexican. We spend the rest of the night eating Mexican. We both agree that we like Mexican. To be continued? This concludes my TED talk.